I Made My Bed Today!

baby steps emotional placement emotions selfcare you are not alone May 09, 2023

I made my bed today! I know that probably sounds like a title to a kid's book but it is the one thing that keeps me grounded at this point.


Several years ago, I went through a great loss that not only took an important figure in my life from me, it also crumbled the delicate house of cards that I had built for myself. I realized during this time of caregiving and grieving that my life as it was, was no longer sustainable, and honestly, I didn’t want it to be anymore!

So, imagine losing one of the people closest to you and your identity all at the same time. Add to it that you have been the caregiver for everyone around you in one form or another but have never truly let others care for you. Now you are on the couch feeling sad, lost, confused, frustrated, and not knowing how to get up. Not wanting to but also feeling worse because you can’t get up. That was me!


At some point, I realized that I had to get myself up. I had created this space that didn’t allow even those closest to me to rescue me. Not because they didn’t want to or didn’t try to but because they had no experience doing it because I had never allowed them to.


I had heard several times that when people are depressed it is good to try to do one small thing to make some progress and break the cycle. And for me, that thing was to make my bed. I decided that it was simple enough that I could do it even when I felt like I could do nothing.


So that is what I did. I made my bed. And then the next day, I made it again. Now some of you always make your bed and this might not be the thing. But I never made my bed outside of cleaning my bedroom. It was a rebellious thing because of how strongly my Grandma felt about making the bed. She would say and someone seeing your unmade bed was like them seeing you naked. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing in the world and the rebel in me doubled down on that.  But now the thing that I was so defiant about was the one thing that was helping me rebuild my life.


Yesterday, I talked to a friend who was going through a really rough patch and one of the things she kept echoing was how alone she felt in how she was feeling. And I shared with her why I make my bed every day. I shared my story because she is not alone. You are not alone. In my journey as a coach and as that person that people feel comfortable opening up to, I continually learn that we all experience similar things in life. We just don’t talk about our unmade beds in public.

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